Don’t park where your father broke down!

Have you ever encountered people whose thoughts and actions seem completely upside down, leaving you wondering why they are the way they are and what has shaped them?

Your character is a reflection of your mindset, which in turn is influenced by the thoughts and information you have absorbed over time, your perception of life, and how you interpret situations. These factors shape your thought patterns and, ultimately, your choices.

In life, there is something called process—a concept many young people seem unaware of. Even those who do understand it often find themselves acting under the weight of societal, familial, or peer pressure, which sometimes leads them down the wrong path.

I once had a female friend at university who lived far beyond what one would expect a student of her level to afford on her own. She wore only designer clothes and drove a state-of-the-art car, leaving many of us wondering about the source of her wealth. Those who knew her family were even more perplexed, as it was clear that her extravagant lifestyle did not match her background.

We came from the same region, which initially brought us close. However, as rumours spread about the questionable origins of her wealth, I grew concerned. If her source of income was tainted, it could eventually reflect on me, and I wanted no part of it. When I enquired, she mentioned a wealthy uncle, but something did not add up. At the time, I lacked the understanding or ability to help someone in her situation.

Her behaviour was also peculiar. She would sometimes overreact to minor issues in a way that left everyone bewildered. It was not until one day, when she received a letter from her father, that I finally understood her struggles. After reading the letter, she broke down in tears outside our hostel. At first, I assumed she had lost a loved one, but then she handed the letter to me.

What I read was shocking. Her father was reminding her of the overdue school fees for her younger siblings, as well as money for his own upkeep. As a second-year university student, where was she supposed to find such money? It was clear that she was not only funding her education but also supporting her entire family.

After probing further, she revealed the painful truth—she had been in a relationship with a much older man, a family acquaintance, who provided her with financial support in exchange for intimacy. She had been living this way for years, even before university, because of her family’s extreme poverty. As the eldest daughter, the burden of sustaining the household fell on her shoulders. She despised what she was doing but felt trapped by circumstances. That was the reason for her tears.

She was also in a relationship with a fellow student, but it was doomed from the start. She constantly had to lie to cover up her involvement with the older man. Although she cared deeply for the young man, she prioritised financial survival for her family. It was a tragic reality—oil and water simply do not mix.

The youth of today will become the parents of tomorrow. To break the cycle, certain lessons must be learnt.

Do not park where your father broke down!

If you find yourself in a similar situation, what will you do differently? First, make a firm decision that compromising your integrity is not an option. No matter how difficult your family’s financial struggles may be, look beyond your immediate circumstances. There is something valuable within you—skills, talents, and services that can bring wealth in an honourable way. Find that path, work on it, and be patient. Success may not come overnight, but it will surely come. Do not trade your dignity for short-term gain; your entire future could be affected by one wrong decision. You may not see it now, but you hold great potential.

Secondly, start envisioning the kind of life you want to live and the family you want to build. If you plan to have children, ensure that you can provide for them adequately. Start planning early—whether through a career, business, investments in shares, real estate, or other ventures. Seek expert advice and take control of your future. Leaving things to chance is far too risky.

It is never too early to break the cycle of poverty and poor decisions. Learn from your parents’ mistakes and carve out a better path for yourself. Remember: Do not park where your father broke down!

Sharoneez Emephia