Who is your spouse’s next of kin?

Many years ago, it was generally assumed that once a person married, their spouse automatically became their next of kin. However, this assumption is no longer a given in recent times, and the question of who serves as a person’s next of kin has become far less predictable.

I first encountered this issue when a close family friend lost her husband. It was only upon his passing that she discovered she was not listed as his next of kin. Instead, he had designated his younger brother while he was still unmarried and had never updated it after getting married. Unfortunately, this scenario is common among many married couples today, particularly in Africa, where people often avoid discussing difficult topics for fear of being misunderstood.

It is crucial to have this conversation with your spouse—not because you are anticipating their death or seeking to inherit their hard-earned possessions but to ensure both of you are aware of what could become an inevitable reality.

Married couples must recognise that from the moment they exchange vows, they become key stakeholders in each other’s lives. In this particular matter, ignorance is far from bliss, as being uninformed could lead to shocking and distressing revelations should one spouse pass away before the other.

Many people list their siblings as their next of kin when they are single, and a significant number never think to update this after getting married. Some may even deliberately choose not to designate their spouse as their next of kin for reasons best known to them.

I have seen many spouses—especially women in African societies—suddenly realise that they are not listed as their partner’s next of kin, only to discover this devastating fact after their spouse has passed away. By that point, they are often left at the mercy of whoever has been legally documented as the rightful next of kin.

I acknowledge that in certain societies, particularly in Africa, raising such topics with one’s spouse can feel unsettling. However, this is one of the most critical conversations that married couples need to have. It is not about hoping for a spouse’s death but rather about safeguarding the future—especially when children are involved—so that the surviving spouse is not placed in a vulnerable position, subject to the whims of extended family members if the unexpected occurs.

If you are married and not entirely certain who your spouse has listed as their next of kin, it is time to summon the courage to find out. Choose an appropriate moment to discuss it with your spouse, ensuring that you are not left at the mercy of an unknown benefactor should the need arise.

As you reflect on this, ask yourself: Who is your spouse’s next of kin?

Make sure you find out sooner rather than later—so that neither of you faces an unwelcome surprise.

Much Love

Sharoneez Emephia